Tag Archives: iamlovechild

Getting Drunk For Science

That’s right, remember the post Back In Black from November last year? Remember the little mention about doing a promo video for Glaceau Vitamin Water? Well, I finally got around to finishing it recently after numerous problems with converting, losing, recovering and re-recording the footage. This is the end product, hope ya’ll enjoy.

If you thought that was pretty cool, subscribe to the iamlovechild YouTube channel and check out LifeAfter5‘s website.


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Filed under Reviews, The Chronicles, Videos

The Eiffel Tower Family – Part 1

-Lourens Loki Corleone

Well, after recently being inspired by one of Rox’s new blog posts,  I decided it would be a good idea to introduce all the colourful characters that you always read about on here. This is Part 1, since the posts would be WAY too long if I mentioned all of you lovely people at once.

So, with no particular order in mind, let’s start at the logical place: The blog’s namesake:

Occupying one of the three bedrooms in the Eiffel Tower, Nick also doubles as emergency housekeeper, talented musician, is one of the founding members of iamlovechild, freelance graphic designer, songwriter, freelance video editor and part of the mysterious organisation known as the “Core bro’s”.

His natural habitat is sitting behind his laptop which is conveniently located by the bar, but he has also been spotted on the couch, his bedroom and the kitchen. These sightings are few and far between though, but keep an eye out…you never know!

He is also sometimes seen playing a guitar or on the drums. Sometimes, if you are lucky, he can also be found behind the drums playing them. This is usually followed by bouts of swearing at sound guys and dodging Phil (who we will get to later) as he falls over.

He responds to “John”, “Frank”, “Frankenberry”, “Jeremiah”, “Jehosafat”, “Romulus”, “Snickerfloss” and sometimes “Nick”.

Favourite food? Anything he doesn’t have to make himself.

That all said and done, next up on our list is:

Occupying the largest bedroom in the house, Nick Kuiper is our resident human jukebox, cat-feeder, noise level-reduction agent, music teacher, professional guitarist, bass player, hard rocker, vienna eater, beer drinking expert and buyer of electricity.

His natural habitat is his trusty couch, but he has also been spotted scratching in the freezer or in his bedroom. When not participating in any of these activities, Nick is teaching his love of rock & roll to the next generation (a worthy cause, I feel) or messing up his hair whilst doing his thing on stage.

He has been known to kick the walls of his house and to shout at people on the phone, but all-of-the-above definitely deserved it. I promise.

He responds to “Nick”, “Nick Kuiper”, “Sir”, “Ben Hur” and “Only Person Who Always Has Cigarettes” and “Core bro”.

Favourite food? Nick Kuiper’s favourite food is McDonalds or KFC, especially if he is the only one eating it.

Hmmm…so, who is third up? Let’s take a look:

Ian is one of the new residents in the Eiffel Tower and resides in the room we nicknamed the Opium Den, named after a private joke we made the day we first moved into the house.

Ian is our resident Internet Marketer and SEO Specialist, and spends most of his time in our roof doing research on how to make us all filthy rich in the near future. Believe! He is also our resident boogeyman, late-nite-bass-noise-enthusiast, Marlboro Red smoker and is also part of the “Core Bro” organisation. He is also a member of ‘iamlovechild’.

Ian does not like walks on the beach, and doesn’t really like daylight either. He is often known to hide in dark corners and is frequently seen complaining about a lack of milk in the house.

He responds to “E”, which pisses me off as THERE IS NO FUCKING E IN HIS NAME. Thankfully, he also responds to “A”, “I”, “O”, “U”, “Vowel” and sometimes “Y”.

His favourite food is anything that would piss off conservationists, green peace or PETA.

Next up is your truly, me:

Well, this is weird. What do I write about myself? Okay, here is a deal. I give you all 10 seconds to telepathically send me questions to the past, to the exact moment that I am typing this.

Okay, that didn’t work at all. Next time try harder.

I live in the Eiffel Towerand I lead a bit of a double life, having a day job in IT but also being one of the co-founders of ‘iamlovechild’. Pretty much, my job entails trying to co-ordinate a dozen people with severe ADD, OCD and many other acronyms as well. The only other ‘role’ I have is rolling down hill. Okay, that was lame, so we should definitely cross telling jokes off the list.

I am the resident wannabe chef in the house, my speciality being Bachelor Chow (patent pending) and creating something edible from not much at all. Oh, and I am part of the “Core Bro” organisation too.

I respond (it seems) to Lourens, Loki, Lo, Slowrinse (damn you, Roxanne!!!), Bloukrans, Krans and “I’m hungry”. My favourite food is anything geeky.

Okaaaay then, lets move right along:

Dennis is the one of the  “Core Bro” members that do not in fact reside at the Eiffel Tower, but also one of the members that would be welcome to…and who also might as well, since his natural habitat is our couch, whilst playing Xbox 360.

Dennis is a sound engineer, and has also recently been granted a slot on a radio station as a DJ. Yeah! We trust his rise to fame will be filled with scandal, booze and infamy…just the way he likes it.

Dennis is also our local source of new and interesting profanities, since his angry outbursts manage to string together rude words like a fine quilt, if Satan had woven it himself. Sometimes, normal words even take on a whole new meaning. Truly a pioneer.

He responds to “Dennis”, “Deny”, “Deny the Demon”, “Denise”, “Dude”, “Hey Mr. DJ, Shut The Fuck Up” and “Bro-Tastic”.

His favourite food is anything he can shoot with a gun.

Quickly now, let’s get to the next person:

Phil likes to bleed his own blood. Often. Just recently, Phil walked into the house with scabs on his arms from falling…somewhere.

While not living at the Eiffel Tower, Phil is also of the visitors that frequent our beloved home. Actually, calling him a visitor is not correct. To many of us, it is a second home and we are all a rag-tag family. Phil plays bass for Heldervue owns Bandhouse Productions, is a member of ‘iamlovechild’ and also…he likes to party. Hell hath no fury like Phil with a beer in his hands and a ciggie in his mouth. “Core bro” represent!

Also, he sings. Fucking well.

Phil’s natural habitat is a random couch at the Tower, watching Entourage, or the closest bar he can find.

He responds to “Phil”, “Phillys”, “Phlap”, “Philthy”, “Phillet Steak”, “Philanthropist”, “Philemon” or “Holy shit! It’s Phil!” and his favourite food is pizza that he buys but everyone else eats, without them leaving him any.

Who’s up next?  Have a gander at:

Rox hasn’t been around for as long as some of the others, but frequently calls dibs on one of the comfortable couches that we have, leaving others to rearrange their spines on the uncomfy ones. Nice!

She cooks fantastically, and is also quite the vocalist. No, I’m not talking about her beautiful voice (which she has), I’m talking about her yelling at people after a few tequila’s…or before. “Kykie, kykie…FOK JOU!”

She responds to “Rochelle”, “Roxy”, “Rox”, “Nice Hotpants” and “Girl Who Sings Angel”

Her favourite food is anything she can serve to her boys, namely us.

Next up is:

“Little” Lauren is one of the few girls that is ever allowed to join in on a bro night for one reason: “Never seen zef so fresh!”

Besides being a fantastic graphic designer and photographer, she is also an accomplished party animal and the typical Girl Next Door that makes her everyone’s favourite pint-sized blond girl.

Her natural habitat is wherever there is a beat going, or behind he camera.

She responds to “Lauren”, “Little Lauren”, “La”, “Ren”, or “Zef so Fresh”.

Her favourite food is Soul Food…

…and that brings me to the end of  Part 1! In the next post you can look forward to some interesting snippets about Juliette, Kyle and the rest of the close family!

Lots of love,



Filed under The Chronicles

Back in Black

– Lourens Loki Corleone

Another weekend has come and gone; and now Monday is molesting me with hard labour.

However, there is a bright side; I now have to try and recall all of the events from the past weekend so that I can relay them to you in a timely and entertaining fashion.

Let’s see how I do…
If you have been reading this blog faithfully, you will remember the first post we ever did in The Chronicles section. It was entitled The Weekend We Almost Took Over The World and in all sense of the phrase, that weekend was the start of Season 1.

It was also the weekend that we met the Durbanville girls; and if you want to know about (most of) the chaos that ensued, go read it bitch.
In any case, Friday would be the first time since back then that we would see them again, and we were looking forward to it. But I am getting ahead of myself, so let’s take a few steps back.

We were approached by Moshpit Muse to play a gig in Bellville at a venue called Ellingtons Saloon. We were slightly apprehensive as to what the place would be like, but Nick agreed as he was quite keen to play again. Tonight was the night!

We had planned the night in advance, and at the end of the day we decided that (for the most part) the core bro’s would all attend this particular night.
So, present were myself, Nick Frost, Dennis, Ian Kay, Roxy and Loki Swanepoel (who had just returned from Amsterdam 2 days prior) … we were ready for a night on the town. Now, Roxy is obviously not of the male persuasion but The Bro’s and I have long since established a short-list of girls that qualify as a “bro” – meaning: ‘does not get in the way on a bro night‘ and ‘holds their own‘.

So we were off. We were, predictably, late and we hadn’t even left Somerset West when we recieved a call from Kirsty asking where we were. Shocking.
Thirty minutes and a load of lucky detours later we arrived at Ellingtons, only to find that it was right across the road from Danskraal; a name that I had hoped never to have to ever type in my life.
We sucked it up, and started unpacking.

The venue inside was surprisingly clean and spacious, but I do take offence to the fact that it calls itself a “saloon”. It didn’t meet the criteria that I feel comes with such a name:

1. No swinging saloon doors to burst through dramatically.
2. No guy playing a piano that suddenly stops and looks over his shoulder on my entry.
3. No shady characters sitting around a table playing poker that also stop what they are doing to look at me as I enter.

However, on the upside, they had the shady clientelle covered. To be fair, besides the Moshpit Muse crew and the bands and their friends, most of the other patrons were very clearly of the Bellville persuasion.
I distinctly remember one of them wearing a “Bellville Breker” t-shirt, and he was one of the classy ones. I kid you not. This one giganticly fat asshole was a particular fine example of what a genetic cul-de-sac looks like. You know the type; sitting in his corner drinking beer out of what looks like a trough; shouting insults at whoever chooses to not actually pretend that they are a farmer just because they have a 4×4.
FUCK OFF with your “jean pant”, please!

Okay, but that all said and done, I did have a lot of fun. When we arrived we joined Kylie, Kim and Kirsty (The KKK) and a few of their other friends at a table and sat back to watch the bands.
First up was The Faded.
You know when a band goes on stage and you take one look at them and say to yourself: “Oh no…” because you realise that you will have to sit through eardrum-destroying screeching for the next 45 minutes? You know that feeling? Well…


Let me be the first person to apologize for judging a band just because they seemed young and nervous. Hey, don’t judge me!
The lead singer (Ricky) wore his cap backwards on his head. I had all the right in the world to judge…

…and then they started.

Wow! I love hearing fresh talent with real potential on the scene. These boys have a very mature sound, were solid enough to be taken seriously and handled the few covers that they played with super-serial style; PLUS, the lead singer has an impressive voice, especially considering his age (and size).
He pulled off the songs with almost NO slip-ups, but I did find myself thinking that the nature of the songs don’t do his voice justice – he projected well in the few parts where he had to cut loose and sing a bit higher.

This is what he should definitely focus on. Their lead guitarist also had a lot of potential and handled some complicated guitarwork with definite prowess.
I don’t want to seem like I am singling out those two in particular though – as a unit, the band were surprisingly good.
I have to admit that they won some points with me for covering “Check Yes Juliet” by We The Kings. It normally gets stuck in my head for days.

Smexi people!

Next up was Killing Nights. We were looking forward to seeing them since Nick knows Kevin (lead vocalist) and I used to be in highschool with Albert van Zyl, the lead guitarist.
I don’t feel quite safe commenting on them since it was not my style of music, but Albert entertained me with some good guitar work and Kevin was pretty solid on the vocals. These guys shouldn’t have too much of a problem with popularity since their style is very much on the Prime Circle side of things. If that is your scene, definitely look these boys up – they will definitely get your party going.

Third up was NFM. It was way past eleven, and after 10 minutes of sound checking he was good to go.

The Bellville crowd did not know what hit them. I won’t say more about this… I would rather have the footage speak for itself!

For more , go check over HERE.

“Belee dat!”.

Yes. Now times that by 50.

When Nick was finished, we decided to have ‘one more’ drink before heading off. The Durbanville girls had a destination in mind and since we were hanging with them, we followed.

On their request we headed to Edwards Street, a side of the world that I am also not very familiar with, but I knew my way around. Not long after, we were in Cafe Venizia and the music was pumping.

It isn’t a particularly large venue but the barstaff were quick to help and the music wasn’t all that bad, not being quite my taste.
So, all things considered, a cool little place… expensive though. (I do realise that my concept of pricing is a bit different seeing that in the Wild West you can buy a double + mix for less that a draught).

After 2AM somewhere, we decided that it is time to change locations. The girls suggested that we go down to the dam near their house. This sounded fantastic, so off we went! We made a pitstop for a few bottles of wine and some blankets, naturally, so we were set for the rest of the night.

The dam was a very cool spot. A few cars drove past us suspiciously, but I don’t think we looked the criminal types… not sure if that is a good thing. A few people decided to stay in the cars, including Nick and Kylie.

In any case, we found a bench and Kim and I annexed it first, shortly before squeezing up to make space for Loki and Esna. The rest of the crowd had to stand, unfortunately, but at this point I was too cold to care… at least we had wine, cigarettes and good company.

rox and frosty

Not too much later Dennis and Esna decided to hit the road, at which point we realised that not all of us are going to be able to fit into my car. I gave my keys to Nick so that him and a few others could go on a cigarette run and myself, Kim, Ian and Kirsty decided to suck it up and walk home. It wasn’t that far but try it at 4:30 in the morning in the freezing wind…

I’m not complaining! Really!

In any case, we arrived at Kirsty’s house way before the others came back from the cigarette run so we decided to make ourselves comfortable on the tarmac outside the garage. More wine did the rounds, but we were all dying for a cigarette and hunger was starting to set in.
Luckily we managed to drown it with some good conversation and a few good laughs. Really cool girls, those.

Not much later the rest showed up and after chilling for a little bit more we decided that we had to mission home. Yes, folks… it was getting light and we were still in the heart of Durbanville.
We said our goodbyes and off we went. The drive home felt like it took for hours…I kept myself pretty sober so I was the obvious choice to drive but at that point in the morning, fatigue started to set in. Not pretty. We made it safely home as always, and after acknowledging a really cool night, myself, Nick and Ian went our seperate ways to try and catch some shut-eye. This was about 6am.

Way too soon…


My alarm started screeching at me at 9am. Yes… 9am.

Did I mention that my alarm started screeching at 9am? I did? It was the morning of our first “Wake & Bake” shoot so we had to perform.

So I begrudgingly got out of bed and I walk over to Nick’s room to try and wake him; it was like trying to wake someone up from a coma. I decided that it was way too much effort to try any further, so Itook a shower to wake myself up first… only to find that the water was freezing. Someone had turned off the geyser and forgotten to turn it back on, most likely me. Dammit.

With no milk for coffee and no shower to wake me up I realised that time was moving scarily fast. A half an hour later we were on our way to Stellenbosch. A quick pitstop for some beverages and I was feeling better too.

We arrived at Bello’s at about 10:15, and nobody was there. Ian had lent me his phone so I frantically tried to find anyone involved’s number on facebook; but to no avail. I went back to the car and decided that at least we had time for some extra planning.

At around 11, the rest of the crew showed up; namely Fourie Pretorius, Lize Kay and Simon Gerber.
Simon and Lize both represent LifeAfter5 with whom iamlovechild has built a relationship and Fourie owns Bello’s, drums for Heldervue, and is a close friend of ours.
Lize was cast to be our first guest-presenter since she has made quite a name for herself on MFM and MK, as well as her very honest band/gig reviews.

The filming.

We took about an hour or so to pre-plan what we were about to do and I used most of that time to prep the location and set up the camera shots. I was filming using a tripod and Nick was going hand-held to give the takes a very dynamic feel.

I am going to reserve my thoughts about the filming besides that we were busy for about 4 hours and I had loads of fun, and we managed some GREAT footage – for whoever is reading this, keep your eyes peeled for “Wake & Bake” … you are going to love it!

If you are interested in seeing the teaser trailer, check it over HERE:


I left Stellenbosch tired but extremely happy. I really can’t wait for my next taste of show business, so hopefully we will manage to make it a regular affair.

I raced home and jumped in bed. Until about 6pm I was dead to the world! Not long after I had woken up, Simon Gerber arrived for our next round of filming:

Getting Drunk For Science

Glacau Vitamin Water had sent LifeAfter5 a case of mixed flavour vitamin waters so that we can test whether it alleviates a basic hangover. We thought this a good and entertaining cause so for the next few hours we filmed (very scientifically, I promise) each of us either drinking alcohol mixed with the water, alongside the water or without the water so that we could compare hangovers. We had a fun night – participants were myself, Nick Frost, Simon Gerber, Loki Swanepoel and the lovely Roxy Bayman.

If you are curious about the results, watch this space – we will have the video up soon!


On Sunday, time and space became completely irrelevant. I was woken up at some ungodly hour by… I have no idea who. I really don’t. In any case, a cup of coffee was shoved in my face and I had to slowly start waking up to do the last session of filming: the morning after.

As my brain started gearing up I realised that the fact that it IS actually gearing up is quite a surprise. I felt quite fatigued but I had no headache; no other symptoms; essentially no hangover.

Turns out that our experiment was a resounding success seeing as Loki (who was not drinking the vitamin water but was drinking the same amount as us) looked like death incarnate and according to him, he was convinced that he was dying.

Big ups to Glacau, I say!

The rest of the day was a blur of movies, series, food, cigarettes and laziness. I decided that I was not going to make the Akelian Circus, since my funds were running quite low. It was heart-breaking. Never miss an Akelian Circus until you have been to about a hundred – and even then, only one or two misses are forgiveable.

True story!

All I know is I headed to bed around 1am, and the house was still void of life… but I also know that I was woken up not too long after with a Big Mac McMeal being presented to me by the Frost and Roxy.

That’s how we roll. That, however, is the end of my tale. More to come soon… I promise.

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Monkeys Are Hilarious

-Lourens Loki Corleone

Not shown: a monkey.

Not shown: a monkey.

So… Monday morning. I always find myself on a Sunday night or a Monday morning feeling a little sad, reflecting back on the weekend that had just past. Not in a sense that it weighed heavy on the heart, but in the sense that I am way too sentimental, and nostalgic. There is always a story to tell, and always a few stories I dare not…let me try and figure out which is which:

For some of us, our weekend started on Thursday. I would have liked to be one of these people, but I had the luxury of pretending. So on Thursday night, Nick Frost and I find ourselves in Cape Town, at Kyle’s flat. Nick was gearing up for an interview in town the next day, and seeing as I work in the city already it wasn’t a far stretch for me to jump on the Thursday Night bandwagon.

Before I continue, let me introduce you to the concept of FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. Nick and I are both extreme sufferers of this terrible affliction, and is also a contributing factor to why our circle normally moves in a pack. These are facts.

Okay, but to continue:

Kyle and Nick pick me up from work, and we head up to his flat. It was inexplicably rainy, and it was cold enough to make the weather even more unpleasant. We stopped off at a grocer, and equipped ourselves with some wine and miscellaneous snacks. We got to his flat shortly after, and for some strange reason spent the next two hours drinking wine and watching a documentary on the legalization of hemp. It blows the mind.

We swallowed the documentary down with some pasta, brewed to perfection by Kyle, and a little more wine.

Now, Kyle is busy moving back to Somerset West, so every now and then there would be a knock at the door and complete strangers would wander around. Nick would normally make inappropriate jokes (“Kyle, did you tell them about the Thing?”) and chase them away…definitely amusing.

Luckily, one of these knocks at the door turned out to be our good friends Amelia and Sylvia, who missioned from the Wild West in the pouring rain, to come hang out. We saw the night as Kyle’s “flat cooling”. A glass of wine later and we were also joined by Trudy, a part of Kyle’s acting troupe, and not long after that the lovely Miss Tecla Ciolfi decided to make an appearance.

The crew was complete and good conversation, much laughter and the Cape Town vibe turned the night into one to remember. I don’t have to say much about it, because we filmed a lot of the night.

Yes, friends. Very soon you will be able to NOT ONLY read about the strange lives and times of the gang, but you will also be able to feast your eyes on our macabre little world. Granted, I make us sound like a traveling carnivale-esque family but sometimes it feels like that is exactly what we are…and we love it. So, as I said – expect loads more video footage. Yes, “beleee dat”.

I have to admit, at around midnight I turned into Darth Fader and decided that sleep would be a good idea, as I had a nine-to-five to go to the next day. Sylvia was asleep already, so I didn’t feel as bad.

Now, folks, if you don’t want to spend the next day being called Darth Fader by Tecla, do NOT go to sleep before she does. You have been warned.

I woke up bright and early – the best thing about waking up in Cape Town is that I can sleep an hour later, and still be early for work. Everyone else was asleep, but I had to wake up Silly to give me a lift to work. She obliged, and not long after I headed to slavery.

Work was rough…let’s leave it at that. Procrastination was key to my survival!

A blink of an eye later, and Friday night had dawned on me. Nick and Ian Kay picked me up at the train station (I commute), and we headed towards the Eiffel Tower, our beloved home.

A good friend of ours was having a party, so we stocked up on some wine and vodka. As usual we started the party at our own home first, waiting for all the troops to arrive. Around 9pm, the troops had assembled. Included were myself, Nick Frost, Marc Frost, Nick K, Dennis McSurname, Ian Kay and Little Lauren. It had unexpectedly turned into a bro night! (No, I haven’t forgotten about Lauren but she is awesome enough to be welcomed into any bro celebration) In any case, we decided that it was time to head towards Zoe’s birthday party.

We didn’t really know what to expect, but we knew that this particular gang of girls (Zoe, Jen, Roliza) are some of Nick and my favourite people in the Wild West. So, if they were throwing a party nothing short of a nuclear winter could stop us from going.

We arrived (late as usual) to a party brimming with people, most of whom we don’t know which is quite a rare thing in the Wild West. We made our way to the host of the party, followed shortly by a trip to the punch bowl.

The next hour is a bit of a blur. It was a strangely individual mission as each one of us grabbed a drink and then started mingling – covering more ground, I guess.

About an hour after we arrived, I got wind of the fact that Nick had downed a particularly large amount of vodka. I am still not sure why this happened, but Nick maintained that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

At this point, Ian and myself decide that it is a good time to start exploring. We headed to the garden with Mone, walked down a random dark garden path and, in our slightly inebriated state, we came across a very strange and unexpected sight. We had happened across ruins. Yes, you read right. Freakin’ ruins. There were more people mmissioning around (the party was quite packed) but coming across creepy looking ruins with only the light of the moon to see anything was the LAST thing we expected to discover.

We had our drinks with us, and decided to chill there for a bit. Not too long after, Little Lauren and Dennis made an appearance with some news. Nick was man down.

We are still not sure why but something had hit Nick like a sledgehammer and he was worse for wear, so we decided to go home. Arnold came and fetched Lauren, and they headed off in their own direction. We were sad to go, but if I may quote Will Smith: “We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life”. Ahh…cheesiness. gotta love it.

Oh and before I continue the story, not long after we departed Marc Frost got in a fight with some idiots. Granted, Marc does turn into the Incredible Hulk when he drinks, but I am sure they deserved what was coming to them. Wish I was there to at least have witnessed it. Anyway…*cracks knuckles*

So, we were back home. Nick was closed for business but the rest of the gang was still alive and kicking. We polished the last bit of alcohol we had left, played some pool and I made sure the tunes were rocking. Epic bro night!

If I may quote Dennis: “Guys, I have had the worst fucking day of my life. I messed up quite badly and in general this day was just filled with unpleasantness. I would just like to say that I have been at the Eiffel Tower and around my friends for a minute, and I already feel fantastic.” This is the power of the Eiffel Tower. It is not about the place, it is about the strange surrogate family that we find ourselves in…and loving it.

Saturday morning was quite rough. Amelia showed up at some ungodly hour of the morning and I found her asleep in a random bed, but she disappeared by the time I had returned to being fully human.

We moved to the lounge as a group, looked at the amazing weather out my sliding door and at that moment, Dennis had an epiphany. We have to braai. I loved this idea, and Nick Kuiper and Dennis took off to go find wood, meat and a working braai  (we made fire on our braai and it fell apart…so yeah…).

Dennis returned with the biggest chunk of ribs I have seen in my life. It was definitely not beef, and my slight suspicion that it was human meat turned out to not be far off. It was warthog. Yes, Dennis showed up with a full warthog rack of ribs that he procured from his dad’s fridge. I promptly made a marinade, and along with some boerewors our lunch was under way.

Artists Impression: Tasty Saturday's Lunch

Artists Impression: Tasty Saturday's Lunch

Finally, when it was done, we could taste the difference. Wild. Wild. Wild. I loved it, with some clever spicing, but I am not sure that Nick or Dennis was very impressed.

Clara, Mike and Andre showed up around this time. Clara naturally loved this, being from Namibia. Apparently, the only food you ever get in Namibia is weird shit.

Andre and I disappeared into the Opium Den (which is currently being used as a conference room since Pixie moved out) for a catch-up ‘iamlovechild’ meeting, while the rest of the house chilled around our pool table. (I had ‘recruited’ Andre as a management consultant for iamlovechild, so a tip of a hat to Mr. Payne for being an all-round awesome guy)

Not too long after, night fell once more…and we were restless. Andrea showed up, Nick’s cousin, and she was in a mood for a night on the town. We agreed, but since we are poor boys for the next week we didn’t really have the finances for a big night out.

Andrea insisted, and a few minutes later we found ourselves in a suspiciously quiet Nameless Pub, sipping on a vodka and coke. Andrea, myself and Nick were joined by fellow core bro Dennis, Esna, Karen, Mone, Andre Payne and Nathalie Moens (as a side-note, Mone was leaving for Jozi later that night, but it turns out later that she completely missed her flight…on the upside, that means we could see her Sunday too). Very surprisingly, Andrea’s parents showed up and soon there were drinks flying around a plenty (thank you very much!) and sooner than we expected, last rounds were called. As I said, Nameless was pretty quiet, but that means we can pretty much take over the place.

At some point two girls walked into the pub, and I decided that I should go and have a chat with them. As I walked over, the one saw me, waved and said “Hey!! How are you?!” … turns out that she was one of two girls that partied with Nick and I at the RadPad almost a year ago. Naturally, I invited them to come visit the Eiffel Tower at some point, exchanged numbers and went our seperate ways. Oh, around this time Kyle, Amelia and Roxy showed up respectively.

Not long after, last rounds were called. The whole gang went back to the tower…and here is where it gets hazy. I recall going to sleep not too long after, but after a discussion with Mone the next day it seems that I might have been a bit more inebriated that I gave myself credit for. One of those nights when you feel the need to confess the world, it seems, but hey … at least I confess most of my sins right here, to all of you folk!

Sunday morning was rough…I woke up late the morning (which is unlike me), and decided that I would like to spend the rest of my morning watching Supernatural Season 5…so I did (Supernatural being one of the best shows ever created).

When I finally woke up the house had vacated of zombies, and not too long after Phil showed up, looking as rough as we did. He had been in Jozi at a wedding, caught a flight after not sleeping much and came directly to the tower.

He invested in some pizza and Coca-Cola, and pretty soon a shred of light was shining at the end of the tunnel. It then occurred to us that it was Monkey Town day.

Too explain, someone had asked Phil if he wanted to do a song or two at a charity gig, and he decided to involve most of the Akelian Circus. So, off we went to goddamn Monkey Town.

On arrival we realised we weren’t in Kansas anymore. Besides Jesse Jordan and his ragtag crew, there were old people everywhere…what the hell had Phil gotten us into? Suddenly, Ian and I realised something horrible – there were no monkeys to be seen anywhere. ANYWHERE. We roamed the area around where the people were and they didn’t have anything besides annoying birds, and I hate birds almost as much as I hate fish. We were disappointed…

“Monkeys are HILARIOUS!” – Lourens Loki Corleone

I will definitely not go into the rest of that afternoon, but other bands that performed were Catch 22, 3D and…some guy. Now, by the time we got there these guys were all liquered up so to say that the performances I had to witness were appalling, to say the least. 3D were pretty consistent and got our heads bobbing a bit, but when you have two different bands playing Black sabbath songs right after each other, you realise what I am talking about. Also, the fact that they start setting up IN THE MIDDLE of the Akelian Circus set is quite appaling and horribly unprofessional, especially since the girl who organised the event just wanted to hear more of the Akelian Circus.

Oh well, nobody takes these charity gigs too seriously, especially if attendance is sketchy, so I won’t judge too harshly. At least we had a Sunday afternoon, sitting under a blue sky and we even caught a little sunshine. Wait, what am I talking about? I am nocturnal enough to be critical of the outdoors.

Did I mention who all turned up? Besides Nick Frost, Phil, Richard Kuiper and Roxy from the Circus, Ian Kay, Nathalie Moens, Andre, Karen, Mone and Zoe showed up.

Soon after the gig we headed towards the Tower again. It was getting dark, so we were starting to wake up. What followed was another night of good music, good people and loads of madness…so when it boils down to it, the usual! Around a respectable Sunday night time most people left for their respective homes…but very soon after that, Juliette and La Frass showed up on our doorstep and a very welcome and very Eiffel Tower-esque late hour. We hadn’t seen them for a while, so the next few hours we filled with gossip, more gossip, Stepbrothers and the few cigarettes we could scrounge together. So, at around 2am Sunday night I finally rested my head down on my very unmade bed, and predictably … I couldn’t fall asleep. One episode of South Park later and I was gone…

…I still remember the last thought that was in my head before I drifted off. It was a quote from Stepbrothers, and seems appropriate at this point: “SO MANY ACTIVITIES! IT’s MAKING MY HEAD SPIN!”. Actually, now that I think about it I am lying. That was most likely the second last thought in my head. Typical.

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Season 1 Finale – A Night In White

A Prologue:

What a tale we have weaved over the last few months, gracious reader! You have been there right from the beginning of this particular era, and I would like to thank you all for allowing us to share our tales with you.
The Weekend We Almost Took Over The World you have laughed with us, cried with us and more often than not you have not known what the hell we are talking about.

The last few months have seen the birth of iamlovechild, but it has seen the birth of something, perhaps even more beautiful… the forging of a friendship circle that can actually more accurately be described as the most fantastic, unique and loving dysfunctional family I have ever had the pleasure of being part of.
A haven for lost souls! To each and every one of you I send a little piece of my soul, if such a thing exists… but we will save
that debate for another day.

That being said, let us start this entry somewhere very unexpected:

Sunday Night, Midnight.

Nick Frost and myself were standing in the kitchen of The Eiffel Tower, having a warm beverage and reflecting on the weekend that we had just escaped from. The whole of Sunday was spent stationary, recovering from a night that just blew our minds.

So, there we were, casually sipping some tea. We were feeling quite apprehensive, as it dawned on us that The Night In White had come and gone after months of talking and weeks of planning. We were sitting on the tail-end of an event that was the climatic fruition of a mad-scientist idea we had a few months ago.

Suddenly… it was over, and we knew what had to be done next but just for a moment, there was nothing to do… nothing to plan… nothing to stress or worry or fight about.

Nick turned to me and said: “Dude… this feels like the end of a season on a tv-show.”
And I knew exactly what he meant. A Night In White marked, in our minds, the end of a chapter for
iamlovechild but also suggested the renewal of another season.
This combination of sadness for good times past and an excitement for even better times yet to come, was a really strange feeling. It dawned on us that these were some of the best months we have ever had and that inevitably, the best is yet to come. With new and old friendships forged tightly, the next chapter in
iamlovechild also marks the start of a next chapter in our lives…

Season 2 is here, my friends. What can you all expect? The usual things that come with the renewal of a season! Bigger budget, more guest stars, crazier parties, drama, love, loss, laughter… all the things that make it worth while following! This will all end in the next climatic event – all I can say is, prepare to Paint The Town Red!
Even then it is not the end, my friends… Season 3 is already on the table and as Freddie Mercury once sang:

“It’s a kind of magic”

This brings me back to…

Lourens Coleone signing off…

a night in white

a night in white


Hey… it’s me! It’s me Nick! I’m back! Hello!
So I’m going to be writing a little something-something about the Night in White party. Why? Because I gotta. Okay, lameness, over.

Saturday started with a rude invasion of my privacy as my room was bombarded with Eiffel Tower residents and boarders all wanting to get their hands on the naked pile of bones also known in and around the area as, the Frostical. But alas (for them), I had anticipated this the night before, and had slept clothed. And I would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those pesky kids. Sorry, lost my train of thought. Choo-choo.

So I got up and walked/stumbled on over to where the action was happening. And happening it was. There is no madness like the lovechild pre-(insert-big-event-here) madness. It’s really another ball game. Tread lightly my beloved reader.
Just the week before we were on the verge of covering Kyle Solms and Lauren Hochfelden in KY-Jelly and getting them to engage in a bottomless battle to the death… But there are laws.

That being said, we eventually pulled through for the greater good, and everyone still remains as good-a-friends as ever.
The week leading up to the party was a mad rush of trying to juggle work and event co-ordination, finding various essential items that should’ve been organized months in advance, and attempting to maintain a stable working environment without cutting eachother’s thoats in our sleep. Needless to say it was a lot of fun, but not something
anyone should just stumble into without utter dedication, prior consideration and a respecful amount of balls.

The day of the party, for me at least, was almost relaxed. Yes, you read that right. While the rest of the iamlovechild crew busied themselves at the venue (Binellis Cocktail Lounge) decorating, complaining and bumming cigarettes, I sat at home engrossed in the internet trying to find out where I’d saved the god damn guest list, updating groups and blogs, and just wasting time in general. This is the way.

Dennis arrived at around 11 o’ clock (completely made-up time, I have no idea when Dennis arrived) and started cleaning up the Eiffel Tower for the inevitable after-party that was undoubtedly going to take place after the Night in White party.
This may not sound like a big deal… but cleaning the Eiffel Tower after two weeks of having no domestic help
whatsoever is a daunting task; if tag-team dish-washing, mass garbage exodus and broken glass removal is your idea of a good time, then by all means, make a turn sometime. Actually, wait, if that’s your idea of a good time, then don’t bother. You’re not my friend.

Once we had accomlished our spring cleaning session, we decided to roll on down to Binellis and see if the plebs were holding it together without us rugged, unshaven, story-telling, denim-overalls-wearing manly men; turns out they were doing fine.
A plethora of activities ensued. Re-arranging furniture, stretching material, using Richard Kuiper’s superior natural stilts to reach elevated plateaus and utilize them for lighting purposes. But blah-blah, I bet you haven’t even read this far. If you have I take my hat off to you, and perhaps more.

Dusk approached faster than we all anticipated and after a few last-minute rushes to a range of shops to request change for the door-float, we finally had lift-off.
Things started out slowly, but built up quickly.

the lovechildren, or so I've heard

the lovechildren, or so I've heard

As soon as Mister Gavin Marshall (session drummer, djembe facilitator and illusionist extraordinairre) arrived, we unloaded the 20+ African Djembe Drums out into the open air at the front entrance of the venue, swung a couple of perspex chairs into a wannabe circle and started committing domestic violence against the drums, hammering away like there was no tomorrow. I stopped ’round about when the fire-spinners arrived and left the drum circle under the pretense that I was going to speak to the guests; the truth, of course, was that without considering prior warm-up routines, I had considerably fucked up my wrist and feared that I would be without its use for the remainder of the evening; but thankfully, I found out that night that alcohol truly does numb the pain. Either that or I’m just hardcore… YOU PICK!

djembe drum madness

djembe drum madness

Inside the venue things were heating up. We had our resident DJ, Mister James Prain, spinnin’ that shit yo all up on the dance flo’, champaigne being served by skimpy-yet-tastefully dressed models (all beautiful), mass-chillage and tarot card reading with acoustical guitar vibes going on in the chill-room upstairs, and a film crew from Boomtown Boys Productions documenting the entire event with their audio-visual prowess. Added to all this mayhem was the fact that everybody had stuck pretty much exactly to the theme – bar a few people (including me) – so looking out over the entire crowd could have caused one snow-blindness… Or flashbacks to the apartheid era.

the knights in white

the knights in white

And then there came a time in the night where I was informed that each core member of iamlovechild would be having there shot at a short interview regarding a certain aspect of the company.
Of course, a production company’s idea of a short interview isn’t quite the same as us normal people’s. Juliette, Kyle and Sylvia talked about how the idea of
iamlovechild came about, Lourens Corleone had a chat with the camera about the structural workings and practical services that iamlovechild offers… and me? I stood in front of the camera for nigh on 45 minutes coming up with quality one-liners such as: “The camera man is trying to pick me up”, “you don’t want to be a hatechild… DO YOU?” and my all time favorite “I am lovechild, so fuck you”. A little harsh I know. But sometimes you have to be really harsh to get a point across. Ask Osama.



Regretably, I missed the rest of the team’s interviews, due to the fact that I was busy being awe-inspired by Gavin Marshall’s fork-bending skills. Damn. I’m not even going to try and explain. Just go and see it.
And then suddenly there was an abrupt change in musical style emitting from the DJ Box, and my sister, Roxanne, took the floor to show everyone how bellydancing is
really done. Belee dat. And dance she did.

my sister, the belly dancer

my sister, the belly dancer

After the belly-dancing there was a considerable amount of acoustic guitar-playing and guest appearances by Jesse Beth, Juliette Starke and Roxy Bayman, as well as Nick Kuiper, Richard Kuiper and Phil Joubert. Yours truly also took part in some of this jamming, but for the most part, I was running around trying to keep everybody happy, and trying to figure out who the drunk Sprinbok supporter was and where he came from… WHO WAS THAT GUY?

the mystery man

the mystery man

Yeah so… The night was amazing in general. Everyone who attended had a great time (so I’ve heard) and the iamlovechild team are hard at work brainstorming for the next one. I won’t give away anything right now. But it will be a one (if not more) up from ‘A Night in White‘, I can promise you that much.

lovechildren in love

lovechildren in love

P.S. I was going to write about the after-party… but decided it probably should not EVER be talked about EVER again. EVER. So… yes.


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Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, I give you… Lourens Corleone…Take it away.

So, friends, as I write this I find myself again slaving away through a blue Monday, the demands of society once again compelling us to spend half (or more) of our day doing completely the opposite of what we would rather be doing. It is life’s little irony, I feel.
Every dog day afternoon brings us a little closer to the End, and at some point that is what we strive for. The End of the day, the End of the Week, the End of the month, the End of the year…
But fear not, gracious reader! This may sound like a dreary, monotonous existence, but for two nights every week, we have the opportunity to take our revenge and yes, brothers and sisters – revenge is a dish definitely best served CRUNK.


Our weekend had begin. I arrived home last (as usual) and the house was pretty quiet (???). I had just picked up Rox Bayman, and we were in the mood to party. The house was pretty quiet, the usual suspects were there but seeing as myself and Nick had not a CENT on our name (a unfortunate side-effect of AH1N1 that they don’t tell you about in the papers) we were low on everything, alcohol definitely included. Roxy had a single bottle of Four Cousins sweet red with her which we secreted away stealthily (Keep it secret, keep it safe!)

So, a well-guarded glass of wine in my hand, and the evening was off to a sluggish but entertaining start…and slowly but surely, the rest of the gang started to poke their heads around our infamous front door.
Very soon we had a whole heap of the regular crowd listening to music and playing pool. This included myself, Nick Frost, Nick Kuiper, Phil Joubert, Jess Johnstone, Andrea Chapman, Dennis Krige, Loki Swanepoel, Roxy Bayman and two friends of Nick K.
Soon we were joined by more of our very good friends, Lauren Hochfelden and Juliette Starke. Lauren only popped in, as she was heading in a different direction.

Then, a miracle happened. Loki turned water into a 5 litre box of Namaqua Natural Sweet Rose (“Try me!”). Yes, my friends. The Eiffel Tower glowed bright in awe of this monumental occurance, and for a while after we all felt a warm glow of happiness. For a moment, just a moment, the whole world seemed at peace.
Following the “Big Bang”, we continued as we were and opened our door in welcome of those in seach of a party. Pretty soon we were joined by more of our good friends, Paul and Gideon from Yes Sir! Mister Machine and their friends Gerhard and Matt. The house was filling up, and things were getting crazy. How crazy, you may ask? All I know is, at some point the house was booming with everything from Marilyn Manson to zef rap rave, and even some Dutch / Flemish hip-hop……

At some point during all the madness, we deemed it a good idea to go to The Nameless Pub, our local stomping grounds. Most of us decided to go, except for one or two friends that decided to hold the fort. Who all decided to join at Nameless? Hell if I know, but it was awesome.
Nameless was packed, but alas…most of us were poor boys (bad time of the month). We pathetically scraped together some cents for a drink or two, and to our surprise we were handed a handful of fake money notes which, apparently, we had to go “gamble” with. Turns out that winning was pretty easy with a good strategy, and that the currency was not money – it was vodka shots.

Many, many, many of these occured. Just how many? We would rather not disclose this information. I also met up with Nicholas (yes, another one), a friend that I know from the Prophecy forums (forums.prophecy.co.za) that I frequent at work that happens to stay in Somerset West as well. He joined us for the rest of the night, and I am pretty sure that our crazy rag-tag entourage freaked the living bejeezus out of him. You know, those troubling 5 minutes before you realise we are not a) cartoon characters b) superheroes or c) cannibals.

We returned to the Eiffel Tower relatively unscathed and in high spirits, only to find Lauren and Julz watching music videos in my bedroom.
We turned up the volume (our neighbours must hate us), and inevitably Die Antwoord started crooning out their fantastic zef rap rave, followed closely by Lauren and I acting like fools all around the room, much to the amusement of our other visitors, including Nicholas, who I had invited to come and check out the Eiffel Tower…

…and then I woke up. Well, I think I woke up. I am not sure how many senses you need to qualify as sentient, but all I know is I qualified as “alive” by the thinnest of margins – and I was not alone.


Slowly but surely, the Eiffel Tower started waking up. If you want to know what the Eiffel Tower looks like on a Saturday morning, feel free to rent “28 Days Later”. Zombies, food hoarding, survival of the fittest…all of these are themes we can definitely relate to.
So, being one of the first people awake, I was lucky enough to beat the other zombies to the last scrap of food in the house (we had 12 hours to go before we had money again) which was followed closely by me sprawling myself on the couch under a duvet, hiding from the light and the world.

Juliette returned from having to run a few errands, and mysteriously a few people disappeared from the house – returning to caves of their own most likely. Nick and Phil continued to work on the promotional video for Heldervue, with Julz and myself stomping around the house – restless and recovering.
Too soon, the afternoon was drawing to a close. I had not done anything productive but hey – it was Saturday! While Nick was practicing for his NFM gig, the rest of us (feeling a lot better – thank God for Cream Soda!) showered and got ready for the next ‘whatever’ the evening was going to bring us.

Strangely enough, we all were heading in different directions, a rare occurance for a close-knit group such as ourselves. Lauren had asked me to accompany her to a friend’s 21st in Stellenbosch; Kyle, Sylvia and Julz were also heading to Stellenbosch but to a different party and Nick Frost, along with Richard and Nick Kuiper, was heading to Cafe Mokka for a NFM gig. He will be posting about what happened on his leg of the evening soon, don’t y’all worry now!

Dressed up and looking smashing, Lauren & I headed to the 21st in Stellenbosch. It was taking place at the Van Der Stel sports club, and it turns out the pub is inside the main pavilion – very nice! The theme was “Under The Sea”, so we were greeted with boys and girls in scuba gear, beach wear… you get the idea.
We soon had a drink in (each?) hand, and as the night progressed the beer and brandy & cokes started flowing! It is always strange being at an event where you know almost nobody, but we never let that stop us. Some dancing even occured, which is why I am not being dragged to god-knows-where next week for more of the same, Lauren being the only person who could talk me into it! If you are reading this, I might already be dead. Don’t mourn me, brothers & sisters. I am in a better place now – a grave. No Afrikaans house music can get me there!

As the party drew to a close, we decided on our next course of action – Mystics.
An old favourite of ours, if we happen to be spending time in Stellenbosch, the odds are we would end up spending a large chunk of our evening within its alluring walls. We also knew that it was likely that this would be the place of rendevouz with Kyle, Julz and Silly. We were right! I also recieved a phone call from Ferdi & Naomi (who recently got engaged – Mosoltov!) and they would be joining us as well.
Walking into Mystics can be quite an experience on its own. Fighting your way to the bar, you realise that the crowd catered for, tend to lean towards the alternative culture… which is fantastic. All the beautiful people had come out to play, and the music was sending my brain into sonic euphoria as the sickest drum&bass was playing.
Ferdi & I caught up on some broversation, and Naomi and Lauren hit the dancefloor. I also noticed a friend of my sister, Bronwyn, whom I haven’t seen in a long time! Naturally, Le Frass (Julz’ man) was there as well. He was hard at work… or was it hardly working? I forget! Mystics…ah. It’s what Cheers would be like if it was in the middle of a tropical hurricane.

Not soon after, it was my turn. I hit the dancefloor like a bat out of hell, but I was definitely not the exception. The beat had everyone’s feet on fire! Lauren was feeling the late hour, and had a seat next to the DJ box to catch a second wind.
It was around that time that our prediction came true (with the help of a phonecall, of course). The troublesome trio had arrived! Sylvia joined me for some more dancing, and then we went off in search of the rest of the bunch.

Time speeds up in Mystics, and before we knew it, it was after 3am…closer to 3h30 to be precise. Le Frass’ shift ended, and we decided to head towards his place. A few other odd occurences won’t be mentioned at this time!

After chilling out to some Her Pretty Face and A Perfect Circle at his flat, I decided to head home. Sylvia joined me, and the rest of the crew decided that they are not moving until the morning….couldn’t blame them! The road back felt long and slightly eerie, with no signs of life to be seen anywhere…

…until I got home.
Now, it being about 5am in the morning at this point, I had expected to have to knock frantically on windows and doors until someone wakes up to let me in the house (I had given my keys to Amelia, Dennis and Pixi who were off on their own mission). As I got home, the world exploded into noise and colour as I walk straight into Nick, Amelia, Pixi, Rox and Phil still partying around the house. Not too long after, it was definitely…


I woke up quite late on Sunday, to the sound of Michael and Clara arriving at the house, only to remember that a power outage was scheduled for most of the day. It took me another hour to wake up decently, and I had to recovered scattered bodies around the house who were all equally slowly returning to life.

At midday we had decided – food is of vital importance, but without the ability to use electricity we had to resort to other methods of feeding out grumbling stomachs.

Nick, having been paid, decided that we needed to visit our local supermarket so Nick, Mike, Phil and I set off in Phil’s car, leaving Clara to hold the fort. We were very successful in our shopping excursion. First stop was Phil’s house for some meat and firewood, and the next stop was Checkers for some actual shopping. Savoury breads and other necessities were purchased, and we headed home just in time to meet the rest of the iamlovechild gang and a few other friends who were invited. Attending were myself, Nick Frost, Clara, Sylvia, Kyle, Phil, Lauren, Juliette and Amelia, and we were also graced by the presence of Michael Rainbird and Rox Bayman.

I set about braaiing, being the only Afrikaans-born male in attendance. We all agreed that this is the natural order of things, and that English males can only make girly fires. Fact. English males reading this, I would be worried but at least I know I won’t die by fire. Then again, you guys did win the war by cheating, so I think we are all even.

As the meat sizzled on the fire, the iamlovechild meeting started… and for three hours, as you have come to expect, we disappeared off the face of the planet. True story! The iamlovechild Soft Launch Party is on the 12th of September, and space is limited… check it out on facebook! http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=117187585255&ref=ts

Around 5pm, Nick Kuiper and Phil headed to The Nameless Pub to start setting up for the Akelian Circus gig. Nick Frost and Richard headed to the d*Frost band room for some more equipment, and when they returned we set off on our own little missions before the gig started. I was joined by my sister-in-spirit Juliette Stark, and we dropped Brother Nick Frost off at Nameless Pub and took a detour to pick up our good friend and fellow pseudo-sibling, Lauren Hochfelden.

The night had begun, and one or two drinks later the Akelian Circus started with a BANG.

To explain, the Akelian Circus (derived from ‘acoustic’ and ‘chameleon’) is the name that was concieved to collectively describe an acoustic gig performed by an ever-changing but always familiar group of musicians and artists from our social circle. The ‘circus’ part is important because that is the only way to describe the brilliance and chaos that ensues when the  event takes place.
Performing were Phil Joubert, Nick Frost, Nick Kuiper, Richard Kuiper, Julian Bach, Dax Frost, Rox Bayman and Juliette Stark with an awesome guest appearance by Gavin Marshall. I was dragged on to stage for our quite awful but amazingly ‘gees’ rendition of “On My Own” by The Used, always performed very late at night when the lyrics are few and the alcohol is plenty!

The night was an overwhelming success. Nameless was busy, the crowd was having fun and the drinks were flowing! For those of you who missed it, never fear; The Akelian Circus will be performing every second Sunday night at Nameless, so hang on to those Myprodols – your Monday morning is going to need them.

Around midnight everyone called it a night, and after a last drink and some quick packing up of instruments and sound equipment, most of us headed home, not quite ready to face the Monday but hey…

No rest for the wicked.

Until next time. Peace.

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Doing Stuff in Isolation

So… if you were a dude stuck in a house with another dude, and you both had, what appeared to be, H1N1, what would you expect to get up to?
Well I can tell you.  Here is a little summary of a couple of the strange antics that The Eiffel Tower has been home to over the last few days.

Zef so Fresh

[Please only try these activities with caution, because we didn’t, and look how we turned out]


  • Xbox LIVE

What you need:

  • an Xbox
  • an ADSL Internet Connection
  • an extremely well thought-out house so that your network cable can snake between the array of obstacles you do or do not have, and find its way to the port at the back of the Xbox
  • Make a Rap Song

What you need:

  • Zef so Fresh
  • An extensive knowledge of profanity
  • Three bored white guys. We talking, like, those couldn’t-be-anything-but-WHITE white guys. (Except for Lourens)
  • D&B and/or Hip Hop beat
  • A Make -shift mic
  • Hot Topic
  • Crazy friends who accept that kind of shit.
  • Read a Book

Nah, we’re just kidding. Who does that?

  • Play Swine-Chicken

What you will need:

  • A convincing and genuinly sick cough
  • A germ-mask (get them at the doctor, or alternatively wrap a white sock around your head)
  • Innocent bystanders to scare ie. small boys in video-stores, beggars, old women in shops, security guards, Nick Kuiper
  • Become Roof Leak Inspectors

What you will need:

  • A leaky roof
  • Loads of expensive sound-equipment to be leaked on
  • Mad looking skills
  • Buckets
  • Not Eat

What you WON’T need:

  • Appetite
  • Food
  • Taste
  • Basic survival instincts
  • Kirsten
  • Dishes
  • Any brain function whatsoever
  • Become a Master Zen-breather

What you will need:

  • Superman breathing skills to maintain NO-COUGH mode
  • Air/O2 (preferably fresh)
  • At least ONE working lung
  • Design Stuff

What wou will need:

  • Photoshop, Corel Draw… Even Paint
  • Hands
  • Looking balls
  • Mad creativity skills yo
  • Learn Cool Edit Pro

What you will need:

  • A perfectly legal copy of Cool Edit Pro acquired from your nearest local retailer
  • Lots of cables. Try tying them in crow’s nests around your chair and through and between your legs for maximum discomfort


I’m 70% Orange Juice!”
Lourens Loki Corleone

“We could totally be rappers!”
Nick Frost

“I’m one stomach bug away from my ideal weight.”
Lourens Loki Corleone

“I HATE the fish!”
Lourens Loki Corleone

Orcwad – pronounced: awkward



  • Wear a hoodie ALL the time. Even when you sleep. It starts feeling like a second house
  • Shower twice a day; dry yourself off with the walls because there are no clean towels (See the lounge-leak section)
  • Stratigically place an oil heater at the centre of the living area
  • ALWAYS answer your door with a mask on
  • Put syrup in your tea/coffee
  • Have coughing wars
  • Find new, innovative meanings for old words
  • Rent Xbox games that don’t work (if it happens again I’m mentioning names)
  • Talk about how sick you are
  • Watch whatever Lourens wants to watch. Don’t question.
  • Harrass the receptionist at the Doctor’s office
  • Collect sick notes
  • Play ‘Magical Shells’ with your medication
  • Drink your cough medicine straight from the bottle… ah… it’s almost like being out.
  • Plot revenge against Frost Manor
  • Don’t die
  • Lose all sense of time
  • Throw up
  • Read a book (we’re still kidding)

So now we draw to the end of our post, and you may be left with the feeling that we are slightly mentally deranged, but we assure you, it’s just the Swine Flu talking… or is it?



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