-Lourens Loki Corleone
Not shown: a monkey.
So… Monday morning. I always find myself on a Sunday night or a Monday morning feeling a little sad, reflecting back on the weekend that had just past. Not in a sense that it weighed heavy on the heart, but in the sense that I am way too sentimental, and nostalgic. There is always a story to tell, and always a few stories I dare not…let me try and figure out which is which:
For some of us, our weekend started on Thursday. I would have liked to be one of these people, but I had the luxury of pretending. So on Thursday night, Nick Frost and I find ourselves in Cape Town, at Kyle’s flat. Nick was gearing up for an interview in town the next day, and seeing as I work in the city already it wasn’t a far stretch for me to jump on the Thursday Night bandwagon.
Before I continue, let me introduce you to the concept of FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out. Nick and I are both extreme sufferers of this terrible affliction, and is also a contributing factor to why our circle normally moves in a pack. These are facts.
Okay, but to continue:
Kyle and Nick pick me up from work, and we head up to his flat. It was inexplicably rainy, and it was cold enough to make the weather even more unpleasant. We stopped off at a grocer, and equipped ourselves with some wine and miscellaneous snacks. We got to his flat shortly after, and for some strange reason spent the next two hours drinking wine and watching a documentary on the legalization of hemp. It blows the mind.
We swallowed the documentary down with some pasta, brewed to perfection by Kyle, and a little more wine.
Now, Kyle is busy moving back to Somerset West, so every now and then there would be a knock at the door and complete strangers would wander around. Nick would normally make inappropriate jokes (“Kyle, did you tell them about the Thing?”) and chase them away…definitely amusing.
Luckily, one of these knocks at the door turned out to be our good friends Amelia and Sylvia, who missioned from the Wild West in the pouring rain, to come hang out. We saw the night as Kyle’s “flat cooling”. A glass of wine later and we were also joined by Trudy, a part of Kyle’s acting troupe, and not long after that the lovely Miss Tecla Ciolfi decided to make an appearance.
The crew was complete and good conversation, much laughter and the Cape Town vibe turned the night into one to remember. I don’t have to say much about it, because we filmed a lot of the night.
Yes, friends. Very soon you will be able to NOT ONLY read about the strange lives and times of the gang, but you will also be able to feast your eyes on our macabre little world. Granted, I make us sound like a traveling carnivale-esque family but sometimes it feels like that is exactly what we are…and we love it. So, as I said – expect loads more video footage. Yes, “beleee dat”.
I have to admit, at around midnight I turned into Darth Fader and decided that sleep would be a good idea, as I had a nine-to-five to go to the next day. Sylvia was asleep already, so I didn’t feel as bad.
Now, folks, if you don’t want to spend the next day being called Darth Fader by Tecla, do NOT go to sleep before she does. You have been warned.
I woke up bright and early – the best thing about waking up in Cape Town is that I can sleep an hour later, and still be early for work. Everyone else was asleep, but I had to wake up Silly to give me a lift to work. She obliged, and not long after I headed to slavery.
Work was rough…let’s leave it at that. Procrastination was key to my survival!
A blink of an eye later, and Friday night had dawned on me. Nick and Ian Kay picked me up at the train station (I commute), and we headed towards the Eiffel Tower, our beloved home.
A good friend of ours was having a party, so we stocked up on some wine and vodka. As usual we started the party at our own home first, waiting for all the troops to arrive. Around 9pm, the troops had assembled. Included were myself, Nick Frost, Marc Frost, Nick K, Dennis McSurname, Ian Kay and Little Lauren. It had unexpectedly turned into a bro night! (No, I haven’t forgotten about Lauren but she is awesome enough to be welcomed into any bro celebration) In any case, we decided that it was time to head towards Zoe’s birthday party.
We didn’t really know what to expect, but we knew that this particular gang of girls (Zoe, Jen, Roliza) are some of Nick and my favourite people in the Wild West. So, if they were throwing a party nothing short of a nuclear winter could stop us from going.
We arrived (late as usual) to a party brimming with people, most of whom we don’t know which is quite a rare thing in the Wild West. We made our way to the host of the party, followed shortly by a trip to the punch bowl.
The next hour is a bit of a blur. It was a strangely individual mission as each one of us grabbed a drink and then started mingling – covering more ground, I guess.
About an hour after we arrived, I got wind of the fact that Nick had downed a particularly large amount of vodka. I am still not sure why this happened, but Nick maintained that it seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point, Ian and myself decide that it is a good time to start exploring. We headed to the garden with Mone, walked down a random dark garden path and, in our slightly inebriated state, we came across a very strange and unexpected sight. We had happened across ruins. Yes, you read right. Freakin’ ruins. There were more people mmissioning around (the party was quite packed) but coming across creepy looking ruins with only the light of the moon to see anything was the LAST thing we expected to discover.
We had our drinks with us, and decided to chill there for a bit. Not too long after, Little Lauren and Dennis made an appearance with some news. Nick was man down.
We are still not sure why but something had hit Nick like a sledgehammer and he was worse for wear, so we decided to go home. Arnold came and fetched Lauren, and they headed off in their own direction. We were sad to go, but if I may quote Will Smith: “We ride together, we die together. Bad boys for life”. Ahh…cheesiness. gotta love it.
Oh and before I continue the story, not long after we departed Marc Frost got in a fight with some idiots. Granted, Marc does turn into the Incredible Hulk when he drinks, but I am sure they deserved what was coming to them. Wish I was there to at least have witnessed it. Anyway…*cracks knuckles*
So, we were back home. Nick was closed for business but the rest of the gang was still alive and kicking. We polished the last bit of alcohol we had left, played some pool and I made sure the tunes were rocking. Epic bro night!
If I may quote Dennis: “Guys, I have had the worst fucking day of my life. I messed up quite badly and in general this day was just filled with unpleasantness. I would just like to say that I have been at the Eiffel Tower and around my friends for a minute, and I already feel fantastic.” This is the power of the Eiffel Tower. It is not about the place, it is about the strange surrogate family that we find ourselves in…and loving it.
Saturday morning was quite rough. Amelia showed up at some ungodly hour of the morning and I found her asleep in a random bed, but she disappeared by the time I had returned to being fully human.
We moved to the lounge as a group, looked at the amazing weather out my sliding door and at that moment, Dennis had an epiphany. We have to braai. I loved this idea, and Nick Kuiper and Dennis took off to go find wood, meat and a working braai (we made fire on our braai and it fell apart…so yeah…).
Dennis returned with the biggest chunk of ribs I have seen in my life. It was definitely not beef, and my slight suspicion that it was human meat turned out to not be far off. It was warthog. Yes, Dennis showed up with a full warthog rack of ribs that he procured from his dad’s fridge. I promptly made a marinade, and along with some boerewors our lunch was under way.
Artists Impression: Tasty Saturday's Lunch
Finally, when it was done, we could taste the difference. Wild. Wild. Wild. I loved it, with some clever spicing, but I am not sure that Nick or Dennis was very impressed.
Clara, Mike and Andre showed up around this time. Clara naturally loved this, being from Namibia. Apparently, the only food you ever get in Namibia is weird shit.
Andre and I disappeared into the Opium Den (which is currently being used as a conference room since Pixie moved out) for a catch-up ‘iamlovechild’ meeting, while the rest of the house chilled around our pool table. (I had ‘recruited’ Andre as a management consultant for iamlovechild, so a tip of a hat to Mr. Payne for being an all-round awesome guy)
Not too long after, night fell once more…and we were restless. Andrea showed up, Nick’s cousin, and she was in a mood for a night on the town. We agreed, but since we are poor boys for the next week we didn’t really have the finances for a big night out.
Andrea insisted, and a few minutes later we found ourselves in a suspiciously quiet Nameless Pub, sipping on a vodka and coke. Andrea, myself and Nick were joined by fellow core bro Dennis, Esna, Karen, Mone, Andre Payne and Nathalie Moens (as a side-note, Mone was leaving for Jozi later that night, but it turns out later that she completely missed her flight…on the upside, that means we could see her Sunday too). Very surprisingly, Andrea’s parents showed up and soon there were drinks flying around a plenty (thank you very much!) and sooner than we expected, last rounds were called. As I said, Nameless was pretty quiet, but that means we can pretty much take over the place.
At some point two girls walked into the pub, and I decided that I should go and have a chat with them. As I walked over, the one saw me, waved and said “Hey!! How are you?!” … turns out that she was one of two girls that partied with Nick and I at the RadPad almost a year ago. Naturally, I invited them to come visit the Eiffel Tower at some point, exchanged numbers and went our seperate ways. Oh, around this time Kyle, Amelia and Roxy showed up respectively.
Not long after, last rounds were called. The whole gang went back to the tower…and here is where it gets hazy. I recall going to sleep not too long after, but after a discussion with Mone the next day it seems that I might have been a bit more inebriated that I gave myself credit for. One of those nights when you feel the need to confess the world, it seems, but hey … at least I confess most of my sins right here, to all of you folk!
Sunday morning was rough…I woke up late the morning (which is unlike me), and decided that I would like to spend the rest of my morning watching Supernatural Season 5…so I did (Supernatural being one of the best shows ever created).
When I finally woke up the house had vacated of zombies, and not too long after Phil showed up, looking as rough as we did. He had been in Jozi at a wedding, caught a flight after not sleeping much and came directly to the tower.
He invested in some pizza and Coca-Cola, and pretty soon a shred of light was shining at the end of the tunnel. It then occurred to us that it was Monkey Town day.
Too explain, someone had asked Phil if he wanted to do a song or two at a charity gig, and he decided to involve most of the Akelian Circus. So, off we went to goddamn Monkey Town.
On arrival we realised we weren’t in Kansas anymore. Besides Jesse Jordan and his ragtag crew, there were old people everywhere…what the hell had Phil gotten us into? Suddenly, Ian and I realised something horrible – there were no monkeys to be seen anywhere. ANYWHERE. We roamed the area around where the people were and they didn’t have anything besides annoying birds, and I hate birds almost as much as I hate fish. We were disappointed…
“Monkeys are HILARIOUS!” – Lourens Loki Corleone
I will definitely not go into the rest of that afternoon, but other bands that performed were Catch 22, 3D and…some guy. Now, by the time we got there these guys were all liquered up so to say that the performances I had to witness were appalling, to say the least. 3D were pretty consistent and got our heads bobbing a bit, but when you have two different bands playing Black sabbath songs right after each other, you realise what I am talking about. Also, the fact that they start setting up IN THE MIDDLE of the Akelian Circus set is quite appaling and horribly unprofessional, especially since the girl who organised the event just wanted to hear more of the Akelian Circus.
Oh well, nobody takes these charity gigs too seriously, especially if attendance is sketchy, so I won’t judge too harshly. At least we had a Sunday afternoon, sitting under a blue sky and we even caught a little sunshine. Wait, what am I talking about? I am nocturnal enough to be critical of the outdoors.
Did I mention who all turned up? Besides Nick Frost, Phil, Richard Kuiper and Roxy from the Circus, Ian Kay, Nathalie Moens, Andre, Karen, Mone and Zoe showed up.
Soon after the gig we headed towards the Tower again. It was getting dark, so we were starting to wake up. What followed was another night of good music, good people and loads of madness…so when it boils down to it, the usual! Around a respectable Sunday night time most people left for their respective homes…but very soon after that, Juliette and La Frass showed up on our doorstep and a very welcome and very Eiffel Tower-esque late hour. We hadn’t seen them for a while, so the next few hours we filled with gossip, more gossip, Stepbrothers and the few cigarettes we could scrounge together. So, at around 2am Sunday night I finally rested my head down on my very unmade bed, and predictably … I couldn’t fall asleep. One episode of South Park later and I was gone…
…I still remember the last thought that was in my head before I drifted off. It was a quote from Stepbrothers, and seems appropriate at this point: “SO MANY ACTIVITIES! IT’s MAKING MY HEAD SPIN!”. Actually, now that I think about it I am lying. That was most likely the second last thought in my head. Typical.