Essentials for Surviving RAMFEST IV

Let’s get this straight. If you don’t know what Ramfest is, please leave now.

Ramfest is the premier alternative music festival in the Western Cape. In its three-year existence, the festival has not once sucked up to the shallow appeal of mainstream entertainment.

… Well, at least, that’s what their website says. Ramfest, in essence… is so much more. But who am I to preach? This weekend will speak all for itself. Right now, my aim is to give a little hypocritical heads-up.

ramfest-He takes his Ramfest very seriously-

To start off, there are a few things you’re definitely going to need at Ramfest, most of which are essential if not critical to your survival over the next two days.

Essential Items Everyone Forgets:

  • Sunblock. And I cannot stress this enough. The Sun God this time of year is merciless. You must please him.
  • Form of shelter AKA tent. It may seem obvious, but there are the occasional slow attendees. It’s all well and good passing out in a shady glen under the stars, but it’s the waking up in the blistering heat only to discover your “shady glen” is actually just the communal vomitorium that you’re really going to remember.
  • Bring a towel. Not for showering. For sweating. For real.

ramfest IV

  • Beverages. Preferably alcoholic. You can safely assume that 95-100% of all attending Ramfest are there because they like to party (like this guy). If you wanna roll with the cool kids you gotta rock toxic. (Remember, they won’t let you into tented/stage areas with glass or breakables, so make sure you bring plastic containers… which brings me to…
  • Rubbers. You know why. And if you don’t, bring two.
  • Shampoo. Your hair IS GOING to get dirty. There’s no avoiding it. (You might also need it for your hair)
  • A Gun. No really. DON’T bring a gun.
  • Plakkies/flip-flops. Because who knows what lurks amidst the pools of water by your feet whilst you shower naïvely. You could catch a bad case of foot lasagna.
  • Camera/Video Camera. This is to capture and secure the moments that you will so desperately strain for in your blurry recollection of the next two days.
  • Float-ables. Because swimming in a river is cool. But floating on a river is better.
ramfest IV-The dude rocking the canoe has it going on-
  • A strong character. If you’re not one for queues.
  • A strong stomach. If you’re not one for public toilets. Or Alcohol.
  • A strong painkiller. If you’re not one for hang-overs. Ironically, if you are up for the odd bout of masochism, Ramfest is definitely the place for you.
  • Sunglasses. Not for the sun. The sheer awesome-factor of the Pendulum DJ-set might well melt your eyeballs.
  • A cellphone. Two at the bare minimum. You will get lost/injured/assaulted/bribed/concussed, and a phone would prove useful in your plight… provided you can operate it.
ramfest IV-Jissus bru, some dude just got decapitated down by the by the wors-roll shop!-

and lastly,

  • an extra pair of pants, for during Lark‘s set.
ramfest IV-God? You can call me… Inge-

All that should do just fine. Heed these words. See you on the other side.



Filed under Reviews, The Chronicles

8 responses to “Essentials for Surviving RAMFEST IV

  1. Anonymous

    effing brilliant!!!

  2. WHY OH WHY did i have to go look at that foot lasagne pic???

  3. JohnHopkins


    • Hehe, you don’t bring that with. There could be road-blocks, and you wouldn’t want to end up in jail instead of hitting up Ramfest and its next level beats. Besides, it’s easy enough to find WHATEVER you’re looking for from one of the numerous lumo-coloured tents littered around the festival 😉

  4. Luke Zacharias

    Nick you are one barmey bastard, but I love you…

    Rock on with your…um…privates out.

    You are destined for great things young padewon.

    Peace out…I’m hitting ramfest Joberg in 3 hours!!!

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