The Eiffel Tower Family – Part 1

-Lourens Loki Corleone

Well, after recently being inspired by one of Rox’s new blog posts,  I decided it would be a good idea to introduce all the colourful characters that you always read about on here. This is Part 1, since the posts would be WAY too long if I mentioned all of you lovely people at once.

So, with no particular order in mind, let’s start at the logical place: The blog’s namesake:

Occupying one of the three bedrooms in the Eiffel Tower, Nick also doubles as emergency housekeeper, talented musician, is one of the founding members of iamlovechild, freelance graphic designer, songwriter, freelance video editor and part of the mysterious organisation known as the “Core bro’s”.

His natural habitat is sitting behind his laptop which is conveniently located by the bar, but he has also been spotted on the couch, his bedroom and the kitchen. These sightings are few and far between though, but keep an eye out…you never know!

He is also sometimes seen playing a guitar or on the drums. Sometimes, if you are lucky, he can also be found behind the drums playing them. This is usually followed by bouts of swearing at sound guys and dodging Phil (who we will get to later) as he falls over.

He responds to “John”, “Frank”, “Frankenberry”, “Jeremiah”, “Jehosafat”, “Romulus”, “Snickerfloss” and sometimes “Nick”.

Favourite food? Anything he doesn’t have to make himself.

That all said and done, next up on our list is:

Occupying the largest bedroom in the house, Nick Kuiper is our resident human jukebox, cat-feeder, noise level-reduction agent, music teacher, professional guitarist, bass player, hard rocker, vienna eater, beer drinking expert and buyer of electricity.

His natural habitat is his trusty couch, but he has also been spotted scratching in the freezer or in his bedroom. When not participating in any of these activities, Nick is teaching his love of rock & roll to the next generation (a worthy cause, I feel) or messing up his hair whilst doing his thing on stage.

He has been known to kick the walls of his house and to shout at people on the phone, but all-of-the-above definitely deserved it. I promise.

He responds to “Nick”, “Nick Kuiper”, “Sir”, “Ben Hur” and “Only Person Who Always Has Cigarettes” and “Core bro”.

Favourite food? Nick Kuiper’s favourite food is McDonalds or KFC, especially if he is the only one eating it.

Hmmm…so, who is third up? Let’s take a look:

Ian is one of the new residents in the Eiffel Tower and resides in the room we nicknamed the Opium Den, named after a private joke we made the day we first moved into the house.

Ian is our resident Internet Marketer and SEO Specialist, and spends most of his time in our roof doing research on how to make us all filthy rich in the near future. Believe! He is also our resident boogeyman, late-nite-bass-noise-enthusiast, Marlboro Red smoker and is also part of the “Core Bro” organisation. He is also a member of ‘iamlovechild’.

Ian does not like walks on the beach, and doesn’t really like daylight either. He is often known to hide in dark corners and is frequently seen complaining about a lack of milk in the house.

He responds to “E”, which pisses me off as THERE IS NO FUCKING E IN HIS NAME. Thankfully, he also responds to “A”, “I”, “O”, “U”, “Vowel” and sometimes “Y”.

His favourite food is anything that would piss off conservationists, green peace or PETA.

Next up is your truly, me:

Well, this is weird. What do I write about myself? Okay, here is a deal. I give you all 10 seconds to telepathically send me questions to the past, to the exact moment that I am typing this.

Okay, that didn’t work at all. Next time try harder.

I live in the Eiffel Towerand I lead a bit of a double life, having a day job in IT but also being one of the co-founders of ‘iamlovechild’. Pretty much, my job entails trying to co-ordinate a dozen people with severe ADD, OCD and many other acronyms as well. The only other ‘role’ I have is rolling down hill. Okay, that was lame, so we should definitely cross telling jokes off the list.

I am the resident wannabe chef in the house, my speciality being Bachelor Chow (patent pending) and creating something edible from not much at all. Oh, and I am part of the “Core Bro” organisation too.

I respond (it seems) to Lourens, Loki, Lo, Slowrinse (damn you, Roxanne!!!), Bloukrans, Krans and “I’m hungry”. My favourite food is anything geeky.

Okaaaay then, lets move right along:

Dennis is the one of the  “Core Bro” members that do not in fact reside at the Eiffel Tower, but also one of the members that would be welcome to…and who also might as well, since his natural habitat is our couch, whilst playing Xbox 360.

Dennis is a sound engineer, and has also recently been granted a slot on a radio station as a DJ. Yeah! We trust his rise to fame will be filled with scandal, booze and infamy…just the way he likes it.

Dennis is also our local source of new and interesting profanities, since his angry outbursts manage to string together rude words like a fine quilt, if Satan had woven it himself. Sometimes, normal words even take on a whole new meaning. Truly a pioneer.

He responds to “Dennis”, “Deny”, “Deny the Demon”, “Denise”, “Dude”, “Hey Mr. DJ, Shut The Fuck Up” and “Bro-Tastic”.

His favourite food is anything he can shoot with a gun.

Quickly now, let’s get to the next person:

Phil likes to bleed his own blood. Often. Just recently, Phil walked into the house with scabs on his arms from falling…somewhere.

While not living at the Eiffel Tower, Phil is also of the visitors that frequent our beloved home. Actually, calling him a visitor is not correct. To many of us, it is a second home and we are all a rag-tag family. Phil plays bass for Heldervue owns Bandhouse Productions, is a member of ‘iamlovechild’ and also…he likes to party. Hell hath no fury like Phil with a beer in his hands and a ciggie in his mouth. “Core bro” represent!

Also, he sings. Fucking well.

Phil’s natural habitat is a random couch at the Tower, watching Entourage, or the closest bar he can find.

He responds to “Phil”, “Phillys”, “Phlap”, “Philthy”, “Phillet Steak”, “Philanthropist”, “Philemon” or “Holy shit! It’s Phil!” and his favourite food is pizza that he buys but everyone else eats, without them leaving him any.

Who’s up next?  Have a gander at:

Rox hasn’t been around for as long as some of the others, but frequently calls dibs on one of the comfortable couches that we have, leaving others to rearrange their spines on the uncomfy ones. Nice!

She cooks fantastically, and is also quite the vocalist. No, I’m not talking about her beautiful voice (which she has), I’m talking about her yelling at people after a few tequila’s…or before. “Kykie, kykie…FOK JOU!”

She responds to “Rochelle”, “Roxy”, “Rox”, “Nice Hotpants” and “Girl Who Sings Angel”

Her favourite food is anything she can serve to her boys, namely us.

Next up is:

“Little” Lauren is one of the few girls that is ever allowed to join in on a bro night for one reason: “Never seen zef so fresh!”

Besides being a fantastic graphic designer and photographer, she is also an accomplished party animal and the typical Girl Next Door that makes her everyone’s favourite pint-sized blond girl.

Her natural habitat is wherever there is a beat going, or behind he camera.

She responds to “Lauren”, “Little Lauren”, “La”, “Ren”, or “Zef so Fresh”.

Her favourite food is Soul Food…

…and that brings me to the end of  Part 1! In the next post you can look forward to some interesting snippets about Juliette, Kyle and the rest of the close family!

Lots of love,




Filed under The Chronicles

2 responses to “The Eiffel Tower Family – Part 1

  1. Ian

    Ah Lo, you are a skilled character writer. Loved this post, most likely your best work yet…

  2. Pingback: Twitted by esperspective

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