Queen’s Boulevard

-Lourens Loki Corleone
Welcome back, dear Reader! Another epic weekend has past and I can’t wait to share the excitement and insanity with you…

…so let me jump right in!

Friday night saw the first “bro night” we have had in a while – since the Eiffel Tower is now exclusively inhabited by extremely eligable bachelors, myself included of course, we decided to ditch the ladies and to hit Cape Town for most of the weekend. There were two reasons for this:

Firstly, Die Antwoord was performing at the infamous Purple Turle on Long Street, and the Saturday night Heldervue was hosting the launch for its amazing album, “Communal Accordance”, along with The Lottery Tickets and the Black Market Riots.

So, shortly after I get home from work, we set off on our grand adventure to the city. Attending was myself, Nick Frost, Ian Kay and Dennis Krige – a good chunk of of the “core bro’s”. Driving with the bro’s always leads to epic bro conversation, loads of profanity and at least 7 references to Barney Stinson’s “The Bro Code”. It is a bible, get to know it!

The Bro Code

The Bro Code

We arrived at Kyle’s flat quite late, around 9, and after a few drinks we decided that the time is right to head down to the Purple Turtle. We jumped in Kyle’s car, and off we were on our first adventure for the night.

Now, the Purple Turtle has quite a reputation and has reinvented itself over the last few years, but it has always managed to keep its reputation as a bit of a rough establishment.

I was slightly apprehensive about my first visit there, but the booze was cheap and the people were relatively friendly. A very Cape Town mix, all shapes and sizes were represented. Leon Botha, aka DJ Solarize, was ripping up the decks as I walked in and I spent the next hour hypnotized by the beats this mastermind was blasting in the direction of the dancefloor. There were a few technical difficulties as equipment was swapped for Jack Parow, who was up next, but it was handled smoothly and professionally – I doubt most people noticed! It was around this time that I had a chat with Isaac Mutant, probably the fastest rapper that Die Antwoord has in its arsenal. What a cool guy!

Next up was the aptly named Jack Parow, South Africa’s “Romantiese Afrikaanse Superster Rapper”. He filled the gap between Solarize and Die Antwoord by performing 3 of his own songs…and I was thrilled! He ripped South African pop culture to threads, especially with gems like “You think you’re so cool, but you listen to the Dirty Skirts” … I might have the lyrics wrong, but you get the picture. Witty lyrics and a funky beat is what he’s all about, and the crowd loved it. Combine this with some good comedic timing, especially when jokingly mentioning lame Afrikaans artists like Patricia Lewis, and the crowd would erupt with cheers and laughter, myself included.

It was around this time that Ninja started making an appearance in the crowd, dressed wholly in a pitch black ninja outfit, bouncing around the dancefloor like madman. It was his birthday and hey, to be honest, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Scallywag was also around, but seemed to prefer chilling with his crowd pre-gig. The clever choice, maybe.

Finally, the moment had arrived. Ninja jumped on stage, and the Yo-Landi’s voice pierced through the audience. DIE FOKKEN ANTWOORD!



Starting with the crowd-pleaser “Enter The Ninja”, Die Antwoord made sure that every single person in the audience got their money’s worth. What I love about Die Antwoord the most is the fact that, inbetween their “zef so fresh” antics and mock cultural references, they do tend to hit a nerve with such a large variety of people. The moment you realise how cross-culture Die Antwoord manages to be whilst ripping off the very same cultures, is when you start appreciating the genius behind what they do. They manage to paint a picture of South Africans that is not just accurate, it is also way more introspective and honest than we give it credit for. On stage, Ninja (formerly known as Max Normal) doesn’t just spit out rhymes about rough childhood and poverty, it also tells of wanting to break free from the expectations of certain cultures and about dreaming big,proving yourself to those who never thought you would amount to anything. This, and loads of blantant sexual references makes one HELL of an interesting cocktail. Love it or leave it, Die Antwoord is a force of nature and I for one definitely love it.

The set continued, and all the hits were played. The night ended with Superevil, an old Max Normal.tv favorite, followed by Doosdronk (the song that Francois van Coke joined in on at Ramfest III). At this point in the night, Ninja usually decides that stage-diving is a good idea and the crowd prepares itself. This is always a highlight – Die Antwoord has always been great with crowd interaction. 1…2…3 stagedives later and the song was over. This was also the end of the gig and people started reaching for their phones and wallets, with their next destinations in mind…and that is when it happened.

I realised that my phone was missing, and I assumed it fell out of my pocket during Doosdronk, when everyone was jumping around and having a good time. I started looking around on the dingy floor, when I noticed several other people doing the same thing. This is when it dawned on all of us…we were pickpocketed. With all of us facing the stage, some f*ckers were robbing us blind and none of us even noticed. Chaos erupted as people started to frantically look through their belongings, and the bouncers decided that everyone inside should stay inside until they can call the police to come and search for the stolen merchandice…the police never came.

One lucky individual had his cellphone retrieved from one of the perps that was caught out. As far as I heard, the perp also had a tooth knocked out in which serves him right, I guess. As far as I know, about 15 cellphones and wallets were stolen – I am not 100% on the count and I also know for a fact that not everything was reported.

After all this died down it was still around midnight, and besides Ian and myself being cellphone-less, we were still amped to party … why let something like that ruin your night? We are in Town, and we might as well make the most of it! It’s the Eiffel Tower way.

We drove home, and decided that Nick, myself and Ian would take my car and head off  in search of the next venue that strikes our fancy. Kyle, Dennis and one of Kyle’s friends decided to call it a night so we said our goodbyes and parted ways.

No sooner had we gotten in the car and we agreed on our next destination: Mercury. We were pretty sure that the Italian and the Pope were going to be there, so it was just logical that way try and find them. No sooner had we walked through the front doors of Mercury and we spotted her – the fabulous Tecla Ciolfi…the Italian. A very enthusiastic hello later and we were joined by the fantastic Sarah Pope, also known as the lead singer for The Ragdolls. A little birdy told me that they are in studio as we speak, so hold on to your horses, ladies and gentlemen!



After a drink and a good while of dancing downstairs at Mercury Lounge, Tecla decided to join us boys and we went to go explore the pub next door, known as The Shack. A good many tequila and sambuca shots later and we found ourselves sitting outside at a table, talking about life, love and everything else. Good times! Not long after, though, we started feeling the strain of arduous night and we decided to say head back to Kyle’s flat, which was relatively close by. Tecla decided to join us, and we also made a little pitstop at an 24-hour Barcelo’s on our way which, at that point, might have been the best thing I had ever tasted. As Frost would say: “Beleeee dat!”. We do. We do “belee dat”.

Back at the flat I dibsed a couch and I was off to dreamland. Did I mention Frost slept in the back of my car, refusing to move? He slept right there. What a trooper.

I woke up on Saturday, around midday, to the sounds of packing. It seemed that Kyle was heading towards somerset West and even though we were welcome to stay, we decided to head in the same direction. Roxy and Andrea had asked us to give them a lift to the gig that night, and Nick & I looked forward to actually just hanging out at home (The Eiffel Tower) for a bit.

We arrived home to find Nick Kuiper on his way out … he was heading to Pixi’s house, and apparently Roxy was driving through with him. We were slightly annoyed, seeing as a factor in us driving back to Somerset West were the people that asked us for transport.

After a hearty lunch, we decided that some major chillage was needed and we spent most of the afternoon watching Entourage, Supernatural and Fringe, 3 of my favourite shows. The hours clocked by and soon it was ready for us to depart to Cape Town.

During the afternoon we were at home, however, the weather decided to flip us the middle finger – pouring rain ensued. This didn’t deter us and Nick, Andrea and I took off in the direction of the city.

We arrived at Mercury nice and early, no-one else from our crowd was there yet and we decided to explore The Shack, seeing as most of the sections were already closed when we were there the previous night. Turns out it is quite big inside, with a myriad of interesting little nooks, corners and bars. We seated ourselves at one deep in the heart of the establishment and a few shots and a few beers ensued. Here we also met up with the esteemed Mike Smith, Editor and Owner of YourLMG magazine. Shortly after his arrival he started being harrased by a strange bearded man who tried to convince him to not neglect the social and economic struggle of Israel in the magazine. Ever the gentleman, Mike agreed and then excused himself…shortly followed by him making a hasty escape.

We decided to head to Mercury not long after, and as we arrived upstairs at Mercury Live we were greeted by a few loyal Heldervue supporters, close friends and girlfriends.

We had missed the Black Market Riots, and The Lottery Tickets were about to start. By the time I had a beer in my hand, they had started. Having heard many good things, I was less than overwhelmed by their performance…a controvertial topic that you are welcome to go and read about over on Tecla’s blog. Yep, our good friends Tecla Ciolfi and Alice Inggs had also joined us, much to our delight! For now, though, back to The Lottery Tickets. They have bucketloads of potential though, and I am pretty sure I just caught them on a rough night. The weather was terrible and the attendance was less than enthusiastic, unfortunately.
Looking around, I felt that this was something that iamlovechild could potentially rectify. If you are reading this and you weren’t there…for shame! You better not miss the gigs at The Nameless Pub and Aandklas, both in the next few weeks!

Finally it was time for Heldervue to stage, and people crowded in towards the stage. Now, I have to mention, about 2 hours before this Phil was in a car accident. He was fine, but his car looked pretty rough. We were worried that this would effect his performance…but it didn’t. Despite technical difficulties during the first song, Heldervue drew the crowd in an entertained as only they know how. Watch it, people! This band is going to go far. For a more detailed review, you are also welcome to head over to [Tex & the City].

Heldervue Launch - "Communal Accordance"

Heldervue Launch - "Communal Accordance"

After the gig, most of us decided to stick around downstairs, where the music was pumping great rock tunes and the dancefloor was heating up…and this is where it all started getting a little crazy!

Friends, readers, I am obliged not to mention names but we had a myriad of entertaining craziness that you had to witness to truly appreciate, rendering my account of what happened at this point quite moot. Let me just say that we had someone jumping on the bar shouting at random people, dirty dancing, cigarette machines seeing some action and people just laughing maniacally at each other. Yes, friends – with the help of the Wild West, Mercury Lounge had turned into a madhouse and we were all DELIGHTED to be there.

Soon however, the inevitable happened and people started to think homewards and seeing as 1/3 of the trio in my car was passed out in the back, I decided it a good time to leave. We left, driving carefully because of the rain, and arrived home safely.

The next day we were woken quite early and Nick & I were grudgingly dragged to Somerset Mall for a hearty breakfast. We decided that we need to do some clothes and food shopping as well, so an our later we left the mall with new Xbox360 games,  rechargable batteries for the controllers and a few other odds and ends…not a single ounce of food or a stitch of clothing in sight! Typical. The rest of the afternoon was spent breaking in our new toys on the Xbox, and what a good day it turned out to be.

That is how my story ends for this weekend, folks. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it, but now its time to love you and leave you … until next time!

Lourens Loki Corleone

P.S. Did I mention that Nick slept in the car AGAIN the Saturday night, even though his actual bed was less than 20 paces away? Yeah. As for the title of this post, we are currently watching loads of Entourage:



“Beleeee dat!”



Filed under The Chronicles

2 responses to “Queen’s Boulevard

  1. kim

    Lol what a long entry! all bout partying. No im kidding. Are you going to write a book?

    This is a very detailed account of cape town’s night life. Very detailed.

    Pretty good read.

    I think die aantwoord is awesome. Fantastic.

    • Well, the future of the blog is yet to be seen…but I am overjoyed that you liked the post.

      Makes it all worth while writing about! Tell your friends…*hint*

      Yes, Die Antwoord is fantastic – haven’t seen them perform since Purple Turtle so I’m keen to again soon.

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