Doing Stuff in Isolation

So… if you were a dude stuck in a house with another dude, and you both had, what appeared to be, H1N1, what would you expect to get up to?
Well I can tell you.  Here is a little summary of a couple of the strange antics that The Eiffel Tower has been home to over the last few days.

Zef so Fresh

[Please only try these activities with caution, because we didn’t, and look how we turned out]

THINGS TO DO IN ISOLATION

  • Xbox LIVE

What you need:

  • an Xbox
  • an ADSL Internet Connection
  • an extremely well thought-out house so that your network cable can snake between the array of obstacles you do or do not have, and find its way to the port at the back of the Xbox
  • Make a Rap Song

What you need:

  • Zef so Fresh
  • An extensive knowledge of profanity
  • Three bored white guys. We talking, like, those couldn’t-be-anything-but-WHITE white guys. (Except for Lourens)
  • D&B and/or Hip Hop beat
  • A Make -shift mic
  • Hot Topic
  • Crazy friends who accept that kind of shit.
  • Read a Book

Nah, we’re just kidding. Who does that?

  • Play Swine-Chicken

What you will need:

  • A convincing and genuinly sick cough
  • A germ-mask (get them at the doctor, or alternatively wrap a white sock around your head)
  • Innocent bystanders to scare ie. small boys in video-stores, beggars, old women in shops, security guards, Nick Kuiper
  • Become Roof Leak Inspectors

What you will need:

  • A leaky roof
  • Loads of expensive sound-equipment to be leaked on
  • Mad looking skills
  • Buckets
  • Not Eat

What you WON’T need:

  • Appetite
  • Food
  • Taste
  • Basic survival instincts
  • Kirsten
  • Dishes
  • Any brain function whatsoever
  • Become a Master Zen-breather

What you will need:

  • Superman breathing skills to maintain NO-COUGH mode
  • Air/O2 (preferably fresh)
  • At least ONE working lung
  • Design Stuff

What wou will need:

  • Photoshop, Corel Draw… Even Paint
  • Hands
  • Looking balls
  • Mad creativity skills yo
  • Learn Cool Edit Pro

What you will need:

  • A perfectly legal copy of Cool Edit Pro acquired from your nearest local retailer
  • Lots of cables. Try tying them in crow’s nests around your chair and through and between your legs for maximum discomfort

COOL QUOTES WHILE IN ISOLATION

I’m 70% Orange Juice!”
Lourens Loki Corleone

“We could totally be rappers!”
Nick Frost

“I’m one stomach bug away from my ideal weight.”
Lourens Loki Corleone

“I HATE the fish!”
Lourens Loki Corleone

NEW WORD CREATED WHILE IN ISOLATION
Orcwad – pronounced: awkward

BUT IT DOESN’T MEAN THE SAME THING

HELPFUL TIPS FOR YOUR PERIOD IN ISOLATION

  • Wear a hoodie ALL the time. Even when you sleep. It starts feeling like a second house
  • Shower twice a day; dry yourself off with the walls because there are no clean towels (See the lounge-leak section)
  • Stratigically place an oil heater at the centre of the living area
  • ALWAYS answer your door with a mask on
  • Put syrup in your tea/coffee
  • Have coughing wars
  • Find new, innovative meanings for old words
  • Rent Xbox games that don’t work (if it happens again I’m mentioning names)
  • Talk about how sick you are
  • Watch whatever Lourens wants to watch. Don’t question.
  • Harrass the receptionist at the Doctor’s office
  • Collect sick notes
  • Play ‘Magical Shells’ with your medication
  • Drink your cough medicine straight from the bottle… ah… it’s almost like being out.
  • Plot revenge against Frost Manor
  • Don’t die
  • Lose all sense of time
  • Throw up
  • Read a book (we’re still kidding)

So now we draw to the end of our post, and you may be left with the feeling that we are slightly mentally deranged, but we assure you, it’s just the Swine Flu talking… or is it?

Oink.

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2 Comments

Filed under The Chronicles

2 responses to “Doing Stuff in Isolation

  1. Roxanne

    HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA classic!!!!

  2. Robyn

    Ha ha ha.hilarious!you poor cripples!happy days ek se

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